Tyrian and the Hoodie
by OnTheCobb
Summary: Tyrian crouched low with an excited expression on his face as he pointed to Jaune, or more specifically, what he was wearing. "Is that a Pumpkin Pete's Exclusive Hoodie?"
1. Tyrian and the Hoodie (Part 1)

**AN: Soooo...I saw this concept from the latest episode of RWBY. Volume 4 Episode 6. And...I felt like writing it as a oneshot.**

 **That's it.**

 **Please Enjoy. I do not own RWBY.**

* * *

In the ruins of Oniyuri, the ruthless Tyrian attacked Ruby and her friends, Jaune, Nora, and Ren. With his deadly arm blades and oddly scorpion-shaped ponytail he engaged Team RNJR, his unpredictable flurry of attacks keeping the young huntsmen and huntresses off balance.

After leaping off of Nora's Magnhild, the erratic Tyrian somersaulted into a building with the force of a cannonball, only to stop his momentum instantaneously by performing a perfect split to suspend himself between the building's undamaged walls.

With their enemy a good distance away, Team RNJR was given a reprieve to quickly regroup.

Jaune looked up towards the half-destroyed building where the enemy was still suspended. "We're not looking for a fight!"

"Who are you!?" Ren called out, his dual pistols, StormFlower, at the ready.

Tyrian, through the dust cloud of the destroyed building, laughed down at our heroes before leaping down to perform a perfect landing.

"Who I am matters not to you." Tyrian spoke as he pointed to the dark-haired Ren. "Or you." He continued as he pointed to Nora. "Or…" He paused on Jaune, his eyes slowly widening. "Oh. My. Salem."

Jaune raised his shield, expecting the pony-tailed man to strike at any second.

Tyrian crouched low with an excited expression on his face as he pointed to Jaune, or more specifically, what he was wearing. "Is that a Pumpkin Pete's Exclusive Hoodie!?"

"Huh?" Jaune lowered his shield for a second, completely forgetting how Tyrian had just tried to kill them not thirty seconds ago. "Uh…yeah. It is."

Tyrian actually squeaked in delight, clapping his hands together. "Amazing! You know they only made _ten_ of those for the cereal contest! And I am a _huge_ Pumpkin Pete's fan! Can't get enough of that cute little rabbit and his wacky antics."

The rest of Team RNJR shared an awkward look as they watched the once intimidating man gush about a cartoon character aimed for ten-year-olds.

Tyrian actually retracted his arm blades and clasped his hands together as he continued his Pumpkin Pete fueled spiel. "As soon as I heard about the cereal contest and the prized hoodies I knew I had to switch cereals. Fifty box tops don't just mail themselves, am I right?"

He let out a chuckle before adopting an irritated frown. "Of course, mistress wouldn't let me buy the cereal. Said it was asinine and bad for my health. I mean Watts got a new scroll and Hazel got that tanning bed, but the moment I ask for fifty boxes of cereal, I'm suddenly too needy! Ugh! So unfair!"

Jaune actually turned to look at Ren, just to verify that the conversation they were all hearing was actually happening. The green-garbed man simply shrugged in response.

"Um…well it's…nice?" Jaune offered before picking up momentum. "Yeah. It's nice to meet a fellow fan of Pumpkin Pete. I'm happy _someone_ actually appreciates the value of this hoodie."

Ruby shuffled and looked to the side, sure that Jaune's latest jab was meant for her. It wasn't her fault it was a ridiculous hoodie. It had a bunny rabbit for Oum's sake!

"Ooh, nice indeed." Tyrian took a step closer as he eyed the hoodie. "I'll always regret never having the chance to mail in those boxtops—actually, you know what?" Tyrian's eyes lighted up as if he had just conceived a lovely idea. "Do you mind if I have it?"

"What!?" Jaune stepped back as if he had been struck. "Give up my prized hoodie?"

"Yeah, it might be a bit small on me, but I'm sure Cinder could work her sewing magic on it. ( _She could probably install a tail-hole for me too._ ) So whaddaya say? Yes? You'll say yes, right?"

"No, I'll say no!" Jaune called back without hesitation.

"Oh, _come on_!" Tyrian whined, his posture slumping as if he were a puppet with its strings cut. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"No!" Jaune stood his ground. "I put in the effort for those box tops and poured my blood, sweat…and 300 lien into it."

"Pleeease." Tyrian pleaded. "Here. I'll even trade you my badass coat." The ponytailed man quickly shed his coat, holding it out to the blond swordsman.

Jaune crossed his arms defiantly. "Does your badass coat have a bunny rabbit on it?"

"Well…no, but—"

"Then what good is it?" Jaune stuck his nose up in the air and turned away from the badass coat, as if it were an insult to compare it to the hoodie.

Tyrian, realizing his mistake, quickly tossed the badass coat aside. "Come on, what will it take to get that hoodie? I might stop being evil if you give it to me."

"This hoodie is part of my look. I wear it into combat. I would die with this adorable bunny rabbit emblazoned on my chest! I don't care how evil you are, it's my hoodie!"

At this point, the rest of Team RNJR dropped their weapons to their sides. If this strange man-child was somehow lulling them into a false sense of security with his antics…they were ashamed to say it was working.

After Jaune's rejection of his latest offer, Tyrian groaned as if he were in pain. "Pretty pleeeease? I'll be your best bud."

"Ha!" Jaune scoffed. "For your information, _Ruby_ is my best bud. So I don't need any friendship from you."

Tyrian cursed his luck until Ruby tentatively raised her hand. "Um…actually, Weiss is my best bud. Jaune, you and I are more like…regular buds?"

Jaune clutched his chest, looking betrayed. "What?...But…but…but what happened to being socially awkward buds together?"

"Look, I'm sorry Jaune, but you're kind of…boring."

"Oho!" Tyrian called out with an erratic chuckle. "The rose has thorns!"

"You stay out of this!" Jaune called back angrily before turning back to Ruby. "Boring am I? Boring? Ruby, you know how much of an emotional wreck I am after what happened with Pyrrha. How can you hurt me like this when I'm at my lowest?"

"Oh, here we go." Nora rolled her eyes at the mention of Pyrrha. "Pulling out the Pyrrha card again."

"I have every right to pull out the Pyrrha card! She loved me and she died and I couldn't do anything about—"

"Jaune that was several months ago. You gotta move on. I mean, Ren and I were orphans most of our lives. And you know how fun that is? Not. It's not fun in the slightest. But we don't show you our emotional scars so why should you get to?"

"She's right Jaune." Ren supplied sagely. "Nobody wants to hear about your dead girlfriend."

"Wait, wait, wait." Tyrian waved his hands to calm all the incessant squabbling. "Pyrrha…as in Pyrrha Nikos? Winner of the Mistral Regional Tournaments four years in a row…AND, more importantly, a mascot for Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes! And she was your girlfriend!?"

"Girlfriend is stretching it." Nora waved her hand dismissively. "She liked him but he was as dense as a brick wall. They kissed, but they never officially dated. What do you even call that?"

"Stop talking!"

"My goodness!" Tyrian exclaimed. "So not only did you win the hoodie, but you also sort-of dated one of Pumpkin Pete's registered mascots? I feel like that ups the value of the hoodie. Ooooh, I want it all the more now."

"I already told you, no!"

Tyrian let out a weary sigh. "Very well. Then you leave me no other choice." His arm blades extended and he licked his lips menacingly.

* * *

Ren and Nora lay defeated on the ground. Tyrian stood over the injured Ruby, his boot pressed firmly into the young huntresses side. His newly revealed scorpion tail poised to sink into the red-themed reaper.

And standing a few feet away, with his arms still crossed, was a stubborn Jaune Arc.

"Give me the hoodie."

"No! I worked hard for it!"

"If you don't give me that hoodie right now, I'll pump this girl up with enough poison to take out an elephant!"

"Jaune, for the love of Oum just give him the hoodie!" Ruby called out as she struggled to breathe under Tyrian's boot.

"Gee, Ruby. If it were to save a best bud, I _guess_ I could give up my prized Pumpkin Pete hoodie." Jaune adopted a mock contemplative expression. "But for just a regular bud…mmm…I'm not too sure."

"I'm not messing around, blondie!" Tyrian flexed his tail, taking a jab an inch away from Ruby's face. "Just give me the hoodie and I'll be on my way."

"You'll just tear a hole in it with that scorpion tail of yours!" Jaune argued back.

"You're worried about the hoodie?" Ruby tried to claw the boot off her side. "He's gonna tear a hole into ME!"

"There won't be any tearing…into the hoodie, I mean." Tyrian clarified to the distraught Ruby, causing her to struggle even more. "I have a friend who can sew a hole into it for my tail. She's done it for me in the past. Your hoodie will be in safe hands."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I give you this hoodie." Jaune narrowed his eyes challengingly. "So do your worst. Ruby isn't afraid of you."

"Uh, yeah, I sort of, kinda am!" Ruby protested.

"Fine, then!" Tyrian pulled back his tail, ready to inject his deadly poison into the reaper…

Only for his tail to be intercepted by a dark-haired man wielding a large sword.

Qrow Branwen offered a smirk to his beloved niece who was now looking up at her savior with renewed hope and gratitude.

"Hey."

* * *

 **AN: Why did I even write this?**


	2. Tyrian and the Hoodie (Part 2)

**AN: So... I honestly didn't think I'd be back here. This is pretty awkward... uh...**

 **Well... I don't know. I saw Volume 4 Episode 7 and I really enjoyed writing the first one.**

 **So... Yeah. Sorry I said this was a oneshot. Now it's a twoshot.**

 **Please Enjoy. I do not own RWBY.**

* * *

White and grey blurs danced across the village square. Flashes of silver. The scream of metal meeting metal. The pinging of bullets as they were blocked by a stalwart blade.

Those sights and sounds were what accompanied the life-or-death battle between Qrow and Tyrian.

Team RNJR watched in awe, their eyes barely keeping track of the fast paced movements. This was what it was like to watch two seasoned Huntsmen duke it out; each one throwing out anything within their skill set to gain an advantage. Be it a scorpion tail, incredibly flexible legs, or a sword that turned into a scythe, both combatants showed no mercy.

"Wow." Nora commented lamely. "This is… a pretty good fight."

"Yeah." Jaune agreed, trying to follow Tyrian's unpredictable style. "It's more fast-paced, showing off Huntsmen of equal skill… way better than watching him beat you guys up."

Ren and Ruby glared at him. "You know, you could have helped fight instead of just standing around like a limp noodle."

"Limp noodles don't stand."

"You know what I mean!"

"Look, you guys are so beyond me in terms of fighting skill that if you couldn't stop him, I probably wouldn't have done much better." Jaune argued. "There was no way I could have helped."

"You could have given him the hoodie."

"…There was no _sane_ way I could have helped."

Ruby pouted in annoyance. "I almost died…"

"Still, you gotta admit this is a pretty good fight." Nora pointed out as Tyrian bent his legs to flatten himself against the ground, dodging one of Qrow's slashes.

"Indeed." Ren nodded. "Though he tried to kill us, it's hard not to appreciate the enthusiasm that Faunus fights with."

No sooner had he said that, than Tyrian bellowed out a 'woohoo!' before his tail snagged Qrow's arm, wrenching the blade free from it. The sword tumbled through the air before sticking into a wall.

"Ooh." Jaune nodded appreciatively. "That was a good move."

Ruby frowned at the blond, getting defensive. "Uncle Qrow has good moves too."

Qrow looked at his empty hands. "Uh-oh. How am I supposed to fight without my sword?"

Ruby cupped a hand over her mouth. "Uncle! You have fists! Sock him in the FACE!"

Qrow's eyebrows lifted in realization. "Oh, yeah." He lifted his right fist, clenched it tightly, and struck forward, impacting Tyrian's face with a satisfying _crunch_.

"Augh!" Tyrian groaned, covering his face in surprise. "Punches! My only weakness!"

He slowly uncovered his face to see if his nose was broken, only to receive a left hook across his cheek, followed by an uppercut to the chin. As the scorpion-themed man stumbled back, Qrow lashed out with a sharp kick.

Tyrian slid across the ground before using his arm blades to stop himself. They grinded against stone, small sparks flying off of them.

Ruby looked at Jaune smugly. "Told you he had moves."

Just as Jaune took a moment to turn his attention the Ruby, the sound of splitting timber caught his ear, and the next thing he knew, Tyrian and Qrow were fighting on the roof of a dilapidated building instead of the ground

"Whoa!" Nora gasped in amazement. "What a move!"

"I'd sure feel bad for anyone that missed that." Ren supplied.

"Do it again, I wasn't looking!" Jaune whined.

Up on the roof, Tyrian struck with both arm blades, forcing Qrow to block with his sword. Sparks danced across their weapons and Qrow was pushed to the edge of the roof.

"Ahaha!" Tyrian laughed gleefully. "It's foolish to get between me and what I want! Give up now, friend, and I'll make your death quick!"

"Ngh… forget it pal… you're not getting my niece!"

"Ahaha—Ewhat?" Tyrian suddenly stopped pressing forward, surprising Qrow. "You think I'm after your… friend, I'm not after _her_!"

"Yeah, and you won't be when I'm done with—um… wait, what did you say?"

Tyrian dropped his arms to the side, retracting his arm blades. "Yeah. I mean, at first I came out here to kidnap her, sure. But then I found out about the hoodie and it sounded like _such_ a better use of my time."

Qrow slowly lowered his blade. "A… hoodie?"

"Yeah!" Tyrian nodded earnestly.

"And… you're _not_ after my niece?"

"Not right now, no."

Qrow blinked a few times before turning his head towards Team RNJR. "Is he serious?" He called out.

"Don't look at us!" Ruby called back. "This guys weird!"

"Huh." When Qrow turned his attention back to the man he rubbed his head awkwardly. "Well, gee buddy, I… I don't really know what to say."

"It's quite alright." Tyrian waved away.

"No, really, I-I mean… Gosh, I was trying to kill you, and now I feel really silly…"

"Oh, water off a scorpion's back." Tyrian smiled genuinely. "It happens all the time."

Down below, Team RNJR watched the two men apologize to each other.

"What's going on?" Jaune questioned as he scratched his head. "Why'd they stop fighting?"

"I know! And it was just getting good!" Nora whined before grabbing a rock. "Hey! Booo! Stop talking out your differences!" She lobbed the rock as hard as she could, only for Tyrian's tail to block it without him even looking. "What the—HEY!"

In anger, Nora grabbed a ton of palm-sized rocks and began chucking them at the scorpion Faunus. Tyrian's tail blocked them all effortlessly despite how deep he was in conversation with Ruby's uncle.

"So this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding." Qrow surmised. "All you want is that blond kid's hoodie."

"Yes indeed, friend." Tyrian nodded happily. "One Pumpkin Pete's Exclusive Hoodie."

"Well, if that's all, then I see no reason why—" Qrow paused, his hand half-way from sheathing his blade behind his back. He raised an eyebrow. "What type of hoodie did you say it was, again?"

Tyrian's eyes bulged out, replaying his words inside his head before he forced himself to remain composed. "Er… just a plain old hoodie."

Qrow narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Blondie!" He suddenly shouted out.

It took Jaune a few moments to realize he was the one being spoken to, and even then he had to point to himself. "Me?"

"Jaune, you're the only blond here."

"Some consider black hair to be a type of blond." Jaune defended weakly, pointing to an unamused Ren. "Especially if there's a few strands of it dyed pink."

"Blondie!" Qrow repeated. "Take off your armor and show me the hoodie you're wearing."

Jaune looked conflicted as he folded his hands over his armor. "But… aren't I safer wearing armor? I mean, what if a Beowolf claws at my torso and my aura isn't enough to deflect it? Or some other similar, torso-aimed attack—"

"Like that would ever happen!" Qrow shouted back, not taking his eyes off a nervous Tyrian. "Just take it off!"

Jaune was still hesitant. "I'm not sure I should—"

"Oh for the love of—he's wearing a stupid Pumpkin Pete's Exclusive Hoodie!" Ruby shouted out, causing three people to gasp at her insult towards the hoodie.

Jaune, Tyrian, and… her Uncle Qrow?

"Does it have the bunny on it!?" Qrow called back urgently.

"It does!" Jaune called back. "I mailed fifty box tops for it!"

There was a moment of silence that settled over Oniyuri. Nobody dared make a sound.

Then, with a click and the rasp of steel, Qrow and Tyrian had their weapons drawn once more and sparking against one another in a desperate battle for dominance.

"Just a plain old hoodie, eh?" Qrow grit his teeth as he pushed forward. "If I had known the stakes were this high I would have killed you sooner! Don't you know they only made _ten_ of them!"

Ruby's face fell into her hands while Nora laughed at the absurdity of it all. "This can't possibly be happening."

"Not to mention…Rgh!" Qrow disengaged with Tyrian's arm blades and began slashing at him. "Since he was sortof dating Pyrrha Nikos, a registered Pumpkin Pete's mascot, it only—"

"—Ups the value of the hoodie! I know!" Tyrian finshed as he parried and blocked Qrow's attacks. "Just my luck for another hoodie aficionado to stumble upon this figurative goldmine!"

"Heh, what can I say?" Qrow smirked, his eyes glancing at a cracked wooden beam beneath Tyrian's feet. "I'm a bad luck charm."

Just then, Tyrian's weight broke the beam, sending him crashing through the building's roof.

With his adversary occupied, Qrow turned to Team RNJR again. "Quick, Joan! What's your hoodie size?"

"My name is _Jaune_!" The knight protested.

"Whatever, just tell me your hoodie size! I wanna know if I'll need a tailor to stretch it out—what the!?"

A scorpion tail shot out from below and wrapped around Qrow's ankle. "It's _mine_!" Came the guttural roar of Tyrian as he yanked Qrow down. The whole roof collapsed with him, causing a cloud of dust to erupt from the building.

Ruby's eyes crinkled with worry as she grabbed her scythe and rushed forward to aid her uncle.

Nora was about to go too, only for Ren to stop her. "Wait, Nora! I think I know how we can stop all this senseless fighting!"

"But it's nearing its climax." Jaune pointed out, only for Ren to smack his head. "I mean, yeah! Let's stop this fight! So what do we do?"

"Nora, you still have that emergency bottle of syrup?"

"For whenever you make pancakes? You bet your pretty-boy locks I do!" The hammer wielder pulled out a pink bottle of syrup in the shape of an Ursa."

"Good, good. And Jaune?" Ren turned to the blond, paused, and clapped a comforting hand on his shoulder. " _Strip._ "

Back with Qrow and Tyrian, a grey blur with a red cape came barreling out of the half-destroyed building. He rolled with the impact, throwing his sword where it stuck into the ground before then using it to stop his momentum. Taking a moment to perch on his sword and pose dramatically, Qrow watched as Tyrian emerged from the building's rubble.

Qrow rushed forward to clash blades once more, only for a red-cloaked reaper to intercept first. "Ruby! Stay back!"

"Why are you fighting him over a hoodie!?" Ruby shouted, losing her temper. "It's ridiculous! Just give it to him, and he'll leave!"

"You don't understand!" Qrow argued. "This is a fight for the greater hood—ah, _good_! The greater good!"

"I heard that mess up!"

"Look, just stay back before one of us gets hurt mid-sent—Guah!"

Qrow got hurt mid-sentence as Tyrian's scorpion tail slashed across his torso, drawing blood. The scorpion Faunus giggled in victory, his purple eyes glittering mirthfully.

Until, with a quick reposition and click, Crescent Rose sheared through the man's extended tail.

"GRAAAAUGHHHH!" Tyrian's scream was one of guttural agony as his tail, the defining feature of his scorpion-themed ponytail, fell to the ground. It twitched once, spewing forth its purple toxin, before laying still.

"NGRAAUUGH-AH!" Tyrian screamed with less intensity, his body slowly getting used to his missing tail. He skittered away on all fours before slowly climbing to his feet and limping towards Qrow and Ruby.

"You… BITCH!"

Ruby gasped, covering her ears at the profanity uttered. "Qrow, he swore! He really is evil!"

"I'd love to comment on how much of a damn asshole that guy is for swearing in the presence of my neice," Qrow began, causing the reaper to cover her ears even more. "But for some reason, the place where he scratched me is starting to tingle… ow."

"GrrrAUGH!" Tyrian screamed in fury as he limped closer to the two. "Do you two… have any idea… how STUPID I'm gonna look when I get back to my goddess! She's expecting a girl, not a tailless Tyrian!" The Faunus winced as every movement his tail made felt like blinding pain.

"And Cinder… oh my Salem, the look on Cinder's smug face when I show up missing—Ngh!" He pointed to Ruby. "You better grow a tail _right_ this instant so I can rip it off of you! Also your eye! _Then_ we'll be even!"

As Tyrian limped closer, the rest of Team RNJR stood to bar his path. Though one of them was completely bare-chested.

"The only thing happening right this instant is you leaving." Ren warned. "Or else."

"Ha!" Tyrian choked out a laugh in between his pained gasps. "Or else what?"

"Or else the hoodie gets it!" Nora chimed in, speaking like a mobster as she held the pink bottle of syrup over Jaune's precious hoodie.

Tyrian's eyes widened fearfully. "No! Not syrup! Anything, but that! The stain will never wash out!"

"Nora this is crazy! That's the only thing I have to wear!" Jaune protested, still bare-chested. "Also, it's a little chilly. Was it always this cold? How is Nora wearing a combat skirt in weather this cold?"

"Don't think she won't do it!" Ren continued, ignoring the distraught knight. "Nora's hopped up on half a bottle of syrup right now and will react at even the slightest provocation." He gestured to the scorpion Faunus. "Are you really willing to risk the hoodie?"

Tyrian took several steadying breaths as he slowly limped away from the group. "There's always next time…" Tyrian mumbled to himself before he spun on his heel and sprint-limped away.

With the threat gone, Nora tossed the hoodie back to Jaune, who accepted it with a grumble, and proceeded to down the rest of the emergency bottle of syrup. Ren was already massaging his forehead for the migraine Nora's sugar-rush would cause later that night, when Qrow suddenly dropped his sword and collapsed to his knee.

"Uncle Qrow?" Ruby shouted, kneeling beside her uncle. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine… He just grazed me." Qrow pulled his hand away from his wound, looking at the small amount of blood, before pressing it against his side to staunch the blood. "Nothing a bottle of alcohol can't fix."

"You mean pouring it over the wound?"

"…I can do that too, sure."

"Huh." Jaune piped up, his hoodie and armor comfortably over his torso once more. "You got scratched around your torso area." Suddenly, Jaune smirked. "It's too bad you didn't have any _armor_ there."

Qrow glared balefully up at the knight. "Kid—"

"If only you had a chestplate to deflect against torso-aimed attacks… like mine!"

"Yeah, I get it alright. I was wrong—"

"It's too bad your aura fizzled out. But you know what doesn't fizzle out? Armor."

"Your hindsight is pissing me off!"

"Wait, wait, wait… I got one more: You should have worn armor."

"…I'm gonna bad luck the crap out of you."

With a shocked gasp, all four teenagers covered their ears from the vulgar profanity the crow-haired man spewed upon them.

* * *

 **AN: If you guys enjoyed this, I'll write another part if anything Tyrian related shows up in Volume 4. Unless of course you think I should stop here.**


	3. Tyrian and the Hoodie (Extra)

**AN: Welp... a promise is a promise is a promise. RWBY Volume 4 Episode 11 had a Tyrian related scene.**

 **So here you go, I guess.**

 **You know, this was supposed to be a joke story?**

* * *

In an unknown temple at an unknown location…

A slash of flames cut through several Beowolves like a hot… metal utensil… through something with a low melting point.

As the carcasses of the dead Grimm dissolved into nothing, the flame caster took labored gasps of breath. Cinder had been slaying Grimm for minutes using her new powers, and she was nearly at her limit. It was strange. Back when she first commanded the powers of the Fall Maiden, she was not only able to kill the powerful Ozpin himself, but also immolate the Invincible Girl, Pyrrha Nikos.

The only logical explanation was that all her talent and skill with the power… were stored in her left eye.

That girl—Ruby Rose—had capitalized on that weakness, using her Silver Eye Beams to destroy her left eye. Worse, she damaged her vocal chords so badly that she could only speak in faint utterances or through her apprentice, Emerald. And more than once, that green-haired thief had misinterpreted 'get me some water' or 'tell Mercury _not_ to touch that weird jellyfish Grimm-thing' to 'go take the rest of the day off.' What an awful interpreter.

She really could have used Roman. Working with Neo probably made him an expert at interpreting mutes.

A shame he was dead. Devoured by his own ambition.

…And that Griffon.

The sudden vibrations of a charging Grimm startled Cinder to her senses. A gorilla-like Beringel leapt towards her, its fist reared back to deliver a bone-shattering blow.

Cinder channeled her powers to her raised hand, forming a searing fireball. She thrust it towards the Beringel's chest, burning a hole straight through. The rest of the dead Grimm evaporated like mist.

The last of her power failing her, Cinder fell to her knees, exhausted. She hoped her master wouldn't call for more Grimm. This training session was killing her.

"Enough." Came the cold voice of Salem, signaling the end of the day's training. "I thought you were the girl that wanted power. _Did you lie to me_?"

Her accusing tone cut into Cinder like a… a heated metal thing through… through a dairy product commonly smeared on toast. Cinder let out an aggravated sigh before turning to her master and denying her accusation with a shake of the head.

"Then stop holding back." Salem commanded. "And stop winking at me while you're at it. If you wish to master your new powers, you _must_ —"

The witch was interrupted by the sound of the temple doors slamming open. Footsteps sounded against the stone floor… accompanied by perhaps the most pitiable sound Cinder had ever heard.

"…Euhhhh… uh-uh-uh…" Tyrian sobbed as he hobbled into view, his arms trembling and held in front as if to protect himself. Gone was the manic grin from his face, replaced by wounded eyes and an uneasy grimace. He had never looked more vulnerable. "…I'm sorry… the hoodie… she'll forgive me… " The scorpion Faunus fell to his knees, his forehead bowed so low that it scraped the ground. "Pleeeease, forgive me…"

"Tyrian." Salem's mood shifted from disappointed to excited upon witnessing her most loyal minion's arrival. "Your task. Were you successf—?"

Salem's question came to an abrupt end upon observing the scorpion Faunus more closely. Not only did he have a deficit of kidnapped, red-themed girls, but there was something else off about him. Something that failed to slip the witch's notice.

"Tyrian…" Salem began as she pointed towards his Faunus appendage. "What is that?"

Tyrian recoiled at the question, but he lifted his tail regardless. "W-what do you mean, my goddess? This is… my tail. Like it's always been."

Cinder couldn't believe how blatantly Tyrian was lying to Salem. She also couldn't believe how _he_ believed he could convince anyone that his tail was the same as it's always been.

The 'tail' Tyrian referred to was an oddly angled stinger that looked to be a roughly carved hunk of wood, spray-painted black and duct-taped to the end of the Faunus's tail. If that wasn't enough of a dead give-away, the roll of tape hung suspended from his 'tail' by a thickly-twisted piece, as if he had struggled to cut it, batted it around in mounting frustration, and eventually just given up on removing it altogether.

"Your… tail?" Salem patiently questioned. She was probably hoping it was just another one of Tyrian's phases. First it had been killing people. Then drowning puppies. The Pumpkin Pete cartoons. _Back_ to killing people. And now this.

"Yes… my tail." Tyrian nodded stiffly. "It… uh… I had some work done on it recently. I'm so happy you've noticed."

Salem glared flatly upon the repentant Faunus before extending her hand. "May I see it more closely?"

It wasn't a request, even it was posed as one, and Tyrian could barely argue before he carefully shifted the tail to rest upon his goddess' hand.

*Rrrrrip*

In one fluid motion, Salem tore the roll of tape and the… prosthetic… off, to reveal Tyrian's stump of a tail.

"Agh! Okay, I admit it!" Tyrian winced as he pulled his tail back and began stroking it soothingly. "I lost my tail! I accidentally got it caught between a scythe and a crow—"

" _Tyrian_."

"…It was lopped off by a giant scythe…" He admitted lamely under his goddess' stern glare. "And you!" Tyrian shouted, pointing to Cinder. "I don't want to hear your smug comments. Don't you _dare_ say anything!"

"…"

Tyrian recoiled at the silence. "How _dare_ you throw insults at me! And stop winking condescendingly! You don't think I don't see that!? I do!"

"…"

"Stop it!"

"And the target you were tasked to collect?" Salem continued, ignoring Tyrian's rant. "Were you successful?"

Tyrian's gaze tilted to the ground, a look of shame marring his face. "N-no." Salem narrowed her eyes in disappointment before brushing past the Faunus. "But… B-but hope is not lost!" He called out desperately. "Th-there will be another chance! The hoodie will not escape my grasp twice! No. Not with that accursed competitive Qrow poisoned. No. I've done that!"

Salem abruptly stopped at the word hoodie. "Are you… You were supposed to bring me the girl!" She snapped, finally losing her patience.

"The… girl?" Tyrian's eyes darted as he tried to remember. Just what had his mission been exactly? "O-oh! Yes, the girl! Yes, yes… no, I didn't get that either." Salem gnashed her teeth in frustration. "I got groceries, though. I remembered we were running low on paper cups. Those are… close enough to a little girl… right?"

"Cinder!" Salem shouted, commanding the Fall Maiden's attention. "In light of recent events, you have been promoted to my _second_ favorite minion! Wear the title proudly."

"…!" Cinder silently cheered.

"But… but I thought _I_ was the second favorite minion!?" Tyrian whined.

Salem glared coldly at the Faunus. "Well, now you're the _third_ favorite."

"No…" Tyrian's voice shook in horror. "But… but that means…"

"Yes." Salem nodded at his understanding. "You will be placed one seat further away from me at the evil table of evil."

His hands fell to the floor as he hunched over, looking like he was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. "Haaaaaaaaaaaugh!"

"Now, try doing something useful." Salem's words cut into him like a… a hot thing through a less hot thing. "Since you've seen the girl, make sure to describe her appearance to Emerald. And don't miss a single detail. It needs to be an _exact_ likeness for Cinder's image training."

With those final words, the witch left the training chamber, leaving an anguished and ashamed Tyrian behind.

The Faunus bawled into his hands, letting out a cry overflowing with regret and sorrow. He had disappointed his goddess. He had made her think him useless.

And he _definitely_ wasn't getting her to repair his tail with a golden Deathstalker stinger. What was he supposed to do? Now he was just a… just a… just a scorpion Faunus, minus the scorpion part.

He'd have to cut his ponytail to match too, otherwise people would look at him thinking, 'mommy, why does that scorpion Faunus have a hairstyle that contradicts his decapitated stinger?' And then he'd be a laughingstock!

Cinder watched the Faunus weep into his hands, tears streaming down his pained face. He needed someone to comfort him.

Not her of course. Tyrian really creeped her out with that tongue thing he did every now and again. No, what he needed… was a friend.

And who better to comfort him than his beloved pet Beowolf, Petey.

As if on cue, the tamed Beowolf stalked into the training room, no doubt brought there by the sound of its crying master. Petey's adorable red eyes caught sight of Tyrian and it crouched on all fours, ready to leap towards him with a comforting hug of affection and—

"AUGHHHH!" Tyrian roared, swatting Petey aside with his tail. The poor Grimm skidded across the floor, stunned at the latest strike from its master.

Tyrian continued to weep, though it gained an undertone of rage as he extended his arm blades and pounced upon the downed Grimm. The Faunus' sobs were interspersed with vicious stabs into Petey's throat. The Grimm let out angry howls that reduced themselves into painful yelps that reduced into faint whimpers until even those died out.

And yet Tyrian kept digging his blades into Petey's disintegrating corpse. His sorrowful cries gave way to insane laughs that echoed off the chamber walls. His tear-stained face was alight with glee and he did that weird tongue thing again too.

Cinder watched on in fear, listening to the pleasure Tyrian found in his actions. Eventually, his weird tongue thing got to her and she had to silently excuse herself from the training chamber.

 _He seems only_ very _unstable._

* * *

 **AN: I'm done. And so is RWBY Volume 4.**


End file.
